Tremendous changes occur in life when people accept sexual addiction as a serious problem and choose the path to recovery. Serenity and the joy of real relationships replace a life plagued with guilt and despair.

Here you’ll find information about sexual addictions, common misconceptions about them, signs and symptoms, prevention, and how to find help. If you have additional questions, please call the Gathering Place at (801) 226-2255.

About Addiction
Misconceptions and Myths
A Growing Problem
Children and Pornography
Ramifications
Signs and Symptoms
Finding Help
Other Helpful Web sites

About Addiction
Addiction in General
When we think of addiction, we usually think of drug or alcohol addiction. However, people can become addicted to normal, healthy behaviors such as eating, exercising, or having sex. Addiction occurs when these behaviors are taken to extremes and become obsessive. Some key attributes of addiction include the following:

• The person takes the substance or engages in the activity in larger amounts or over longer periods of time than intended.
• He or she has tried to cut down on or quit the activity but has been unable to do so.
• A great deal of time is spent in activities related to or facilitating the addiction.
• Important social, occupational or recreational activities are reduced or missed because of the need to facilitate the addiction.
• Damage occurs, either physically or psychologically, yet the behavior continues.

Perhaps the most commonly misunderstood aspect of addiction is that it is a biological disease, similar to diabetes or heart disease. And like diabetes and heart disease, addiction can be treated. With proper treatment, individuals can over come this life-threatening condition.

Addiction Cycle

• Apathy, boredom, idleness, excessive stress, feelings of emptiness. (To overcome, make phone calls, get out of the house, exercise. Review relapse prevention plan.)
• Plan (or even preoccupy self with) how to get on the Internet, rent a video, or see something pornographic on TV. (Become aware of internal dialogue, write in journal, make a phone call. Be aware of your feelings and how they affect you. Learn that feelings teach when life is out of balance.)
• Feel excited/brain is overwhelmed with euphoric chemicals. (Stop the thoughts, maybe by screaming as loud as you can, "STOP!" Recondition the brain.)
• Begin rituals leading up to acting-out behavior. (Realize that you have choices. Look at options. Challenge all-or-nothing thinking. Do no isolate yourself. Be honest.)

• Masturbate, pornography, sex
• Feel tense and aroused. Awakening: "What did I just do?" (Write down on paper wheat I just did and be honest about it.)
• Shame and guilt. (Instead of "What if I get caught? What if people find out?", say "WHEN I get caught...")

• Self-promises: "I won't ever do that again. I will stop by willpower. Nobody needs to know what happened as long as I can quit." (Say out loud, "I will do it again unless I tell someone.)
• Compartmentalizing, such as "I am not such a bad guy. I do have good points. I am nice to people." (Realize that you are not a bad person for doing what you did. There is no reason to hide, minimize or lie about what you did.)

• Put up image. (Focus on working on your own issues, such as being honest, versus overcompensating to please others or to hide your dark side.)
• Forget the problem.
• Lie to myself and deny my actions. Try to forget what I have done. Try to be a better husband and father to compensate.
• Strong feelings of worthlessness, such as "If anyone knew the kind of person I really am..." (Go to meetings, talk with clergy, wife, etc. Challenge thinking errors.)
• Go to work and work hard.
• Come home tired with nothing to do/empty house.
• And the cycle begins again...

Sexual Addiction
Pornography is simply one type of sexual addiction. Although sexual addiction has always existed in some form, pornography addiction is becoming an increasing problem in our culture due to the advent of the Internet and online pornography.

How does sex cross the line from a natural behavior to an addiction? During sex, endorphins, or the brain chemicals that signal pleasure, are released. Because of the feelings of pleasure associated with sex, people might wander into a chat room or onto a graphic Web site with nothing but curiosity as their motive. (Additionally, people might end up in one of these places purely by accident, but the result can be the same.) Large amounts of endorphins are released at orgasm, and the excess causes an alteration in the chemical make-up of the brain. When the person is away from the computer, the lack of endorphins signal a sort of misery, and the person becomes consumed with finding ways to get back to the computer and the pornographic material. Those who are addicted may try accessing it at work, or they might forego family activities or other hobbies for the sake of getting the high they experience from viewing the material. Meanwhile, their professional, personal, and spiritual life begins to suffer. Unlike in relationships with real people, the images on the computer don’t require time or nurturing. Additionally, the addiction objectifies men and women in sex roles. This view of people as sex objects interferes with normal human relationships.

Men and women are both susceptible to the disease. Men tend to become addicted to the visual images found on web sites or videos; women get hooked on the relationship aspects of chat rooms or romance novels.

Denial
Denial hinders people from recovery. Rationalizations such as “I only did it a few times,” “I’m an adult; I can handle it,” or “I had to get my needs met,” are examples of denial. But individuals aren’t the only ones in denial. Families can pretend not to see what is going on, as if to make it go away, or cultural denial can occur through not wanting to address important issues. The bottom line is that all denial hinders progress. Addicts can combat denial by admitting that they are powerless on their own and seeking help.

Misconceptions and Myths
“Few people have this problem.” In reality, approximately 200,000 suffer from online pornography addiction. The misconception often occurs because people are afraid to talk about sexual addiction.

“It’s not an addiction; it’s just sexual problems.” If you or someone you know struggles with a number of the signs and symptoms of sexual addiction, it could be more than just a personal problem. Addiction is a real disease, and like other diseases, it can be treated. Seek help from an addiction specialist, and, if possible, one who specializes in sexual addiction treatment.

“People who have sexual addictions are perverts or perpetrators of abuse.” While this is the case in a few instances, most sexual addicts are regular people-with jobs, relationships, and otherwise normal lives.

“Pornography addiction is something only adult men struggle with.” This is hardly the case. While men tend to become excited by visual images found on videos, in magazines, and especially on pornographic Web sites, women become equally controlled by the relationship-oriented aspects of online chat rooms or romance novels. Beyond that, adults aren’t the only ones who get into pornography addiction. The average age of a first-time encounter with online pornography is 11. Additionally, industry’s largest group is teens 12-17; most of their surfing occurs between 3 and 6 p.m. while parents are still at work.

“Sexual addiction is a moral weakness.” Again, sexual addiction is more than mere curiosity or a one-time slip. It’s a compelling, controlling disease that can destroy a person’s career, relationships, and happiness.

“I can overcome this on my own.” Real addiction cannot be combated individually. Professional treatment from addiction therapists-especially sexual addiction specialists-can lead to a recovery as real as the addiction itself.

A Growing Problem
People have always been naturally interested in sex-and that’s a good thing. After all, sex is what keeps the human race alive. But in recent years, three components have turned curiosity into a controlling force affecting hundreds of thousands of Americans each year.

Accessibility
Perhaps one of the main reasons sexual addiction is a growing problem is that people have easier access to pornographic material than they ever have before. No longer do people have to go out to a video shop or a magazine stand to purchase the material; they can get it in a few moments online.

And it’s not just adults who can get quick access. In fact, almost half of all teenagers age 14-17 from households with computers say they have seen a pornographic Web site, according to NPR online.

Anonymity
Gone are the days when people had to face the possible embarrassment of being seen purchasing adult magazines or going into X-rated movies. With Internet access and cable TV, people can access pornographic material at any hour, right from their homes.

Affordability
Although many pornographic Web sites charge access fees, they also provide free teasers to lure people into the main site. Once someone is addicted, the fees seem like a small price to pay for the euphoria they experience.

Children and Pornography
Although many assume that pornography is simply an adult problem, children are among the most sought-after victims in the industry. Those heading the industry know that if they can hook children now, they’re likely to find an addict for life. Below are a few things parents can do to protect their children.

Monitor your child’s time spent online. Together, establish time limits so your child doesn’t spend excessive hours on the Internet. Be at home while your child is online.

Talk to your kids about the dangers of online pornography. If you’re open with them about it, they’ll be more likely to tell you when they’ve accidentally come across something inappropriate. Children are naturally curious; be sure to answer their questions honestly.

If your child does come to you about seeing pornographic material, stay calm. Help children understand that it was not their fault. Talk to them about their concerns. Do not become angry; the child will be less likely to approach you about other such incidents in the future.

Keep the computer in a visible area. When children are out in the open in a family room, they’ll be less likely to explore sites they should be.

Be aware of URL tricks. Many pornographic Web site hosts choose domain names like “Disney” or “Barbie” to allure children. They know that if they can get allure children, they’re likely to create an addict for life.

Buy a filter. Although they’re not foolproof, filters can significantly decrease the likelihood of a child wandering somewhere dangerous.

When possible, request such filters at libraries or schools. If they can’t be obtained in these settings, warn children to be extra careful.

Warn children about chat rooms. Tell them that an online friend may appear to be the child’s age but may just be pretending. Teach children to never exchange photos or give away information such as phone numbers and addresses.

Learn how your computer works. Know enough about it that you can tell what sites have been visited or whether the recent visits have been erased.

Monitor video exposure. Make sure you know what your child is watching, whether it’s on TV or on video or DVD. If a child is going to a friend’s house, make preset rules about what your family is comfortable watching or not watching. Be available to pick up your child should he or she get into an uncomfortable situation.

Ramifications
Sexual addiction can penetrate every aspect of life: it can hinder work productivity and stifle career growth; it can estrange the addict from once-enjoyable hobbies and pastimes; it can distract from spiritual growth; and it can isolate the addict from friends and destroy intimate relationships.

Signs and Symptoms

• Using sex, lust or fantasy to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope
• Sense of guilt or failure after acting out behaviors
• Pursuit of sex becomes compulsive
• Disruption of family life by physically or emotionally isolating self, or loss of family members trust
• History of being sexually abused as a child or adolescent
• Difficulty stopping sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate
• Worrying about people finding out about your sexual behaviors
• Feeling controlled by your sexual desire
• Continual effort to control or limit sexual behavior
• Hypocrisy or lying
• Withdrawal or isolation
• Repeated violation of values
• Decrease is spiritual activities
• Deferring duties and activities because of sexual behavior
• Inability to stop despite serious consequences
• Exorbitant amount of time spent obtaining sex or recovering from sexual experience
• Risk-taking, especially in professional or family life
• Failing grades in school or problems with productivity at work

Finding Help
Recognizing that an addiction cannot be overcome independently is one of the first steps to a real recovery. When seeking professional help, consider these things:

• How long has the therapist been in practice?
• What licensing does the therapist have?
• Does the therapist specialize in addiction?
• Even better, does the therapist specialize in sexual addiction?

About the Gathering Place
The Gathering Place, Utah Valley’s leader in addiction treatment, has served approximately 1,000 people annually for 35 years. The agency offers special programs for adults, teens and children, with special programs for expectant mothers and those struggling with sexual addictions.

The non-profit organization has distinguished itself from other treatment centers through its “Power of Gathering” approach. This includes the power of expert staff, the power of individual attention, the power of group therapy, the power of family support and the power of community resources.

The approach works. 93 percent of clients report they were successfully helped in reducing addictive behavior. 100 percent say they would refer a family or friend.

In the Gathering Place’s sexual addictions program, people progress and change through participation in outpatient groups, individual therapy, and support groups. The program is designed with an understanding of the complexities involved in the development and maintenance of a sexual addiction, which makes a holistic approach necessary. The sexual addiction program emphasizes including the family in the counseling process by offering support groups for family members, psycho-educational workshops and family therapy.

Our program combines therapy with the spiritual principles from Alcoholics Anonymous. It helps people accept their behavior as an addiction and teaches them about personal triggers and how to deal with those triggers. In therapy, clients will uncover any underlying reasons for the development of the addiction such as issues with communication, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or abuse.

One of the greatest things that treatment can do is instill the belief that change can occur as you begin talking about problems in an environment of understanding and compassion.

The sexual addiction program is headed by Tim Adams, LCSW. The program has a strong spiritual tone that focuses on personal accountability for choices. Tim regularly makes presentations about sexual addiction to civic and religious groups; if you would like to request such a presentation, please call him at (801) 226-2255.

Other helpful Web sites
www.sexhelp.com
www.nationalcoalition.org
www.pureintimacy.org

For more information about the sexual addiction program at the Gathering Place, please call (801) 226-2255.